Birthday

Today is my last day of being 18. The last day of my golden year.

What that means, boys and girls, is that tomorrow is my birthday.

You know, birthdays are so funny. Every day of every year a few hundreds of thousands of people are being born. On December 18, 1993, that was me. And that was a life changing experience for a lot of people. My parents, my brother, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles. All of them suddenly had one more mouth to feed, one more card to buy on Christmas, one more child to support for many years to come, one more person to pray for, one more girl that would need protection from the world, one more person to worry about housing when they visit, one more person to want to visit. And that is a normal and beautiful thing. But all the December 18s after that really don't do anything but keep time. Birthdays are just a way to measure our age. When I was younger, I always thought it was so weird that I never felt any different on my birthday. I remember the year I turned 13. I went to my mom's room the night before crying to her because "I'm never going to be a kid again!" I slept in her bed that night. But then the day after, and the next few days, nothing really changed. I had more money and possessions than I did the day before, but that was it. I still went on acting like a child.

Even important birthdays. On this day last year I was bursting out of my clothes from excitement all day. I was about to be an adult. I was going to be able to buy lottery tickets and get into the club without lying to the bouncer and buy things from infomercials. And sure, all that changed. My life is more convenient now that I can do those things that come with turning 18. But really, I wasn't any different on my birthday than I was the day before.

So why do we make such a big deal out of birthdays? Of course, I'm not complaining. I love getting presents and having a whole day to talk about myself without anyone having the right to get annoyed. I love getting all the phone calls and Facebook posts from people who are required to think about me at least once a year. But really, in about 30 hours, when the day will be winding down tomorrow, I will be the exact same person I am right now. I'll just be 19.

Its not birthdays that do anything. Its life experiences. This semester has changed me so much in ways I'm not sure I fully understand yet. I'm more responsible than I have ever been. I still have so much growing up to do in my life, but I've done a lot of it in the past few months, and really in the past year. I'm undergoing that metamorphosis I always talked about last year (see Metamorphosis blog post). The only thing is, last year I thought I was coming to the end of my transformation. But this year its clear that this isn't something that will happen in a few months. I still have some time to go in this cocoon. But that's okay. I have no choice but to wait until the transformation is complete to be a butterfly, and I've accepted that. But my point is that the day of my birth isn't what is going to bring the metamorphosis to its conclusion. A series of events will occur, force me to grow up and find out who I am, and then I'm going to look back and say, "Wow. I've shed the shell." Maybe that day will be April 8. Maybe it will be October 22. And maybe it will be December 18. The point is that I don't know, and I'm not supposed to. Its all part of life.

However, in spite of all this...

MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW OMG I'M SO EXCITED.

xoxo

Tired

Life is so exhausting.

It's Thanksgiving break and I'm still so tired. Granted, I didn't get home Wednesday night until Thursday morning. Then yesterday my allergies were acting up at home so bad that I spent most of the day sneezing and dying and fighting to stay awake from the Benadryl and trying to cook and eat in between all that. Really though, I had an excellent day with my family and I actually really enjoyed my time yesterday (between all the dying going on). But this morning I had to rush right back for work again, so my trip home was cut extra short this year. That's okay though. I'm going back next month for an extended weekend for my birthday, so I'm just looking forward to that. My point in saying all this is that, even though its break I'm still SO TIRED. Its not even eleven and I'm ready to pass out.

I've got a lot of big assignments on my plate for classes at the moment. That's starting to stress me out again, but I guess it's right on schedule since the past two weeks have been pretty low-stress. I'm not working tomorrow so I'll be spending most of the day on those.

Now, the boy diet. Sigh. I was doing so well for a few weeks. Then the sneaky thoughts started creeping back in my mind and I've started thinking about different boys again. Those dang thoughts are so frustrating. I'm forcing them out of my head every time they try to be sly and slip in, but they keep bombarding me when I have too much time to think. Like today on the way back here. But I'm sticking to the diet, no matter what my mind tries to get me to think about.

I just read that paragraph over and realized that its possible to interpret those thoughts from the reader's point of view as very sexual ones. Just so you know, that's not really what I'm talking about.

Anyway, time to catch up on Glee and go to sleepy-by. TTFN, friends.

xoxo

Pathetic

Seriously, you guys. What is wrong with me.

I just came to the ultimate realization that I let boys control my life. I look at every boy that glances at me sideways or every boy that I think is cute and wonder, "Is he The One? Could he be my boyfriend?" And its not a conscious thought, which is why I overlooked this issue for so long, but its there like that one hideous shirt you keep in your closet because you just can't bring yourself to get rid of it but you never actually wear it either. And every time something doesn't happen with whoever is on my mind in that second, I'm disappointed.

HOW PATHETIC IS THAT.

And in that way I realized just how immature I really am. Well you know what, its time for this chick to grow up. I'm going to stop acting like a weak minded little jellyfish (no offense to any jellyfish/jellyfish lovers out there). I'm going to stop looking for someone to chase me. I'm going to stop...that's it, I'm just going to stop. Remember last year when I tried to go on a boy diet? Wow. I just reread some of my posts from around this time last year and realized I'm in almost the exact same predicament. Anyway, if you don't remember click the link to read up on that. My point in bringing it up is that it didn't work. I was still looking even after I said I wouldn't. But I'm older and wiser now (ha ha), and I think reinitiating the boy diet is a good idea. Time to stop worrying and waiting and wishing for things that are never happening. Time to stop feeling sick from nerves. Time to stop using anaphora (really though, my use of rhetorical devices is on point today).

So here is the official plan. I'm going to stop thinking about, wondering about, and looking at boys. No, this does not mean I'm going to start looking at girls, for any of you with twisted minds out there. It means that I'm going to really throw myself into my studies. It means that I'll have more room in my brain to retain information from classes and for finals. It means that...crap, there's another anaphora. What the heck.

Anyway, I think you get the idea. So, the boy diet is back! And I'm confident in myself this time of seeing it through. I can't guarantee that this blog is going to be super interesting anymore (just kidding please keep reading!!), but I can still fill it with the awesome adventures of me running around like a headless chicken while trying to keep up with my hectic life.

Wish me luck, friends. Not that I'm going to need it this time. Confidence is the key to everything in life.

xoxo

So not in the clear

 I really thought after last week I would be home free of my struggles for a while.

I was so wrong.

Today I lost my keys. All my keys. I had to have Sweta drop me off at and pick me up from work. I didn't go to an audition for a play at a local theatre like I wanted to. I was planning on having to pay for a new set of keys for my apartment and have Mom mail me my spare car key. And then magically, gloriously, I found them. Daddy came tonight to get my car because its messed up and he wants his mechanic at home to work on it (its so expensive here in Wilmington, and he trusts the one he goes to back home) and he didn't want me to be driving it all the way home this weekend. He's seriously the best dad in the world, I honestly don't know what I would do without him. So when we got in the car with the spare, lo and behold my keys were there. I don't know how I missed them when AAA came and unlocked my car earlier so I could check, but I did. I'm such an idiot sometimes.

So that was stressful, but thank God the issue was also resolved. So now I have a whole new round of papers to worry about, plus a test next week and a lot of little assignments to take care of. It just never ends, and I'm beginning to accept that.

I'm going to audition for a student film tomorrow, so wish me luck!

And now for the segment of my blog where I ramble vaguely about the current guy occupying my thoughts: My cousin Madison once told me that "girlfriends aren't roadblocks, only speed bumps." This is proving to be quite untrue. (On a quick side note, I want you all to know that I'm not plotting to wreck any home, this guy doesn't actually have a girlfriend, but the situation is complicated. I won't go into specific details, though, so if you were expecting that then you haven't paid attention to the times I've said details get me in trouble). I just hate this situation because my main problem is I don't know if I should fight for what I want or if I should back off, let the situation breathe and let the pieces fall where they may. It has always been a part of me to not push for the things I want because I'm so terrified of rejection. I'm slowly over coming that fear, and I can feel the drive in me more than ever. But its like an itch I can't scratch to make it go away. Its part of who I am to be cautious and to back off. But what if this situation is different? What if pushing for this guy will be what he needs from me? In this sense, I'm terrified to not push for it, because personal history has proved that sitting back and watching has resulted inevitably and every time in the guy forgetting me and moving on. To push or not to push? That is the question. Mom said earlier that "You don't fail if you try," but on the other hand Revenge said that "Hope is just a sure way to get your heart broken." So many mixed signals from the universe today. Sigh.

And lastly, I would like to add that if you haven't today, or in a while, call your parents and tell them you love them. Tell them you appreciate them for bringing you into this world and getting you this far. Even if they are crappy or overbearing or didn't seem like they care about what you do, they did something right because you're sitting on your laptop/computer at home/computer at school reading this right now, breathing and alive and living. So thank them. And love them. And if you can't do that, then I just feel so badly for you that it hurts me. I don't know what I would do without my parents. They love me unconditionally and would do anything to protect me. They raised me right, they're there for me whenever I need anything from a pep talk to a couple of bucks to make it through the week, and they insist on providing for me always because, as my daddy said to me the other day, "its my job to take care of you, so let me." (Yes, I did cry to him during this conversation because, yes, I am a complete softy whiny baby).

Okay, I'm calling it a relatively early night tonight. Wish me luck, guys. I'm going to need it to get through this interminable stress trip.

xoxo

From Hell to Heaven

My hell weeks are almost over.

THANK THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN ABOVE HALLELUJAH PRAISE.

I have been so incredibly stressed these past two weeks, but just knowing that its almost over (FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY) makes these last two days bearable.

My performance is tomorrow, then I'm spending however long it takes me in the library to finish the draft of my paper for script analysis (I'm thinking it won't take long), then I'm coming home to nap, then I'm fixing and rehearsing my speech, then I'm catching up on a few shows, then I'm continuing to rehearse my speech, then I'm going OUTTTT since I didn't tonight, then it'll be time to go to sleep and it'll be Friday, then I'm giving my speech and turning in my paper, then I have an interview, then FINALLY I have a massage at four and my weekend of fun begins!! I'm literally doing nothing this weekend except for sleeping, working, and having a crap ton of fun.

This is the philosophy, folks: work hard during the week, play hard during the weekends.

Anyway, Happy Halloween/All Saints Day/All Souls Day/November (HOLY CRAP ITS NOVEMBER).

xoxo

PS. Please pray for my friend (if you do so, if not just send his family good vibes and happy thoughts) as he is struggling for his life and currently, sadly losing the battle.

Its a hard-knock life

So. My life has been falling to shambles. No big deal or anything.

I lost a box of sweaters (which are super expensive and hard to replace), my computer was messed up, yesterday I thought I lost all of my stuff off my old hard drive, I haven't been able to work on any of my homework for a week because my computer has been messed up and even though its fixed now I still don't have Microsoft Office, yesterday I also thought I lost my $50 Halloween costume, and to top it all off one of my best friends pissed at me right now.

I have knots in my shoulders as hard a baseballs, and I'm not sure my finger nails and cuticles are going to survive this hell week.

The good news is that I found my Halloween costume and my sweaters and I'm getting Microsoft Office today so I can start working on my homework. But that still means hours of working and no time to hang out ahead of me, and my friend is going to be mad at me for however long he decides is suitable (which at this point, I'm expecting at least a few days of no talking). I absolutely can't handle when people I care about are mad at me. But there's nothing I can do to fix it honestly, and that's the worst because I literally just have to sit here and wait for him to get over it.

All of this stress is making me so exhausted. I just want to sleep and do nothing else. But that's a bit counterproductive, so I've decided against that. I'm just going to really try to focus on these few assignments I have, ace them all, and maybe by then my life will be in better shape.

But as of this moment, my life kind of sucks.

xoxo

Anxiety

For the past week or two, I haven't been sleeping very well, I've been chewing my nails and ripping my cuticles to pieces, and I haven't been able to maintain and regular eating pattern. And I'm really not sure why. School has been a little stressful, and I've been trying to get assimilated into the Massage Envy flow, but I don't think those things are the cause of my sudden onset of anxiety.

I've never really been an anxious person. Not consistently anxious anyway. When something big is happening in my life, I tend to get a nervous tummy, but other than that I can't say I deal with anxiety issues. So I'm not sure what's going on.

The only thing I can think of that might account for this is, you guessed it, a boy. That always seems to be the problem.

You know what's stupid? When two people like each other but they're not dating. I won't go into full details, but this boy has been stringing me along for a few weeks, making me think that one day we might be together. And I can't stop thinking about him, even though I've been through this situation before (do you guys remember Bob? If you don't, or you don't know who that is at all, click on his name for the beginning of the long, confusing, cute but ultimately disappointing story that was the beginning of my freshman year). In a nut shell, Bob made me believe we were going to date, so I kept talking to him and hanging out with him only to be rejected. And this situation is similar, except for the fact that I'm also actually really good friends with this guy. Bob and I only had the romantic thing going on, and when that was over so was our friendship. Its not the same in this situation. I'd still have to see him if things didn't work out.

I'm going to think about a name for this guy and get back to you. I might not actually name him at all, because I'm not sure how much I really want to blog about him. It will probably cause a lot of awkwardness in my life. I'm already being really careful about what I'm saying. But I felt the need to blog it out a little, considering I can't focus on my homework because of all my anxiety.

My fingers will probably never be the same at this point. They're so gross right now, but I just can't stop chewing them.

Also, if you're in the mood for a little irony, this is the same boy that inspired my post Epiphany. Ha...ha.

Back to reading I go. Wish me and my poor wittle nails luck...

xoxo

Epiphany

I finally figured it out. I'm such a genius.

I finally figured out why girls think guys are so confusing and why mixed signals even exist and why it never made sense to me when people say that men are simple creatures.

Because they are. Men are simple creatures. And a guy will tell a girl exactly what he means and what he wants.

The problem?

Girls don't listen.

We as females take what we hear a guy we like tell us and change the meaning and morph it into what we want to hear, even if its a stretch and there are plenty of reasons why he didn't mean what we think he did. HE DIDN'T MEAN WHAT WE THINK HE DID. Girls need to start taking things that guys say at face value. Guys aren't about hidden meanings and encryptions and Morse code. If a guy says the word friends to you, whether he literally says friends or he says something like, I don't know, buddies, then he doesn't want a relationship with you. Friends = friends. So since our regular ol' friends don't take us on dates, kiss us in public (or private really, but I'm just trying to make my point), and call us their girlfriend, that guy doesn't want that with you either.

So thats the problem. And although it may not seem like it, every problem has a solution.

And what, Olivia, might I ask that would be in a situation like this?

Well, I'm glad you asked. I'll tell you what the solution is.

GET OVER IT.

You know what, its not even that big of a deal. Whether you knew the guy for two weeks or two years, getting over it is so much more possible than we girls want it to be. And you know what, thats also our fault. Because we sit there for weeks and weeks, crying about it on the off chance that maybe if we don't change our minds they'll come around. This also won't happen. So the best thing to do is just put your big girl panties on, put a smile on your face, and decide that you're going to be okay. Its all a choice, and the choice, ladies, is yours.

And for any guys reading this post, I hope I hit the nail on the head.

And that, ladies and gents, is my nugget of wisdom for the night.

xoxo

Up, up, up...but to where?

I just don't even know my own life right now.

All this good stuff happening is seriously making me nervous. Is that bad? Good things happen to me and then I wonder when all the bad stuff is going to come crashing down on me. I can only hope that all the bad things are vanishing from above me like the deductibles in the Nationwide commercials. Maybe I have an invisible Bob the discount finder/problem solver around somewhere.

Work was really great today. I mean, I didn't do much, just filled out some paperwork. But I'm just stoked that 1) I got paid $16 to sit around and sign my name, and 2) This job is going to be great. The owner apparently gets people coffee from Port City sometimes, everyone is so nice, and training is going to be extensive enough that I'm going to feel really confident by the time I start actually working the floor.

I'm also starting to finally make some good friends that aren't from home! There are some guys that live two or three houses down from us that are really nice (and one is pretty cute), and the girls that live next to them. They all hang out a lot. Sweta and I met them last Friday night and we've all hung out twice already. I feel like I have friends that I can knock on their door on the weekend or text when I'm free and ask to hang out. They've been really nice about extending the hand of friendship to us, and I'm willingly taking it. They're really cool people. Plus there's a girl in my PE class that I've hung out with a few times this year already as well. We have the exact same sense of humor and she's just the sweetest person. She actually came over tonight and all of my new friends got to know each other, which I don't really know why but is super exciting.

I'm not sure if I talked about this earlier this week, but my class at Insight on Monday was fantastic as well! We've had two classes and I feel like I've learned so much. I'll keep you posted on that.

Also, about that guy I was texting from that class. He stopped texting me. Like I don't know what happened. We had this flirtationship going on, then he just randomly stopped texting me. So I guess that's over? At least nothing happened and we can be friends, because he's a cool guy. But to be completely honest, I wasn't really sure if I was feeling it anyway. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's really attractive. But I just didn't feel that...I don't know, I guess conversations just were kind of awkward sometimes and stuff. There just wasn't that spark.

But now that I think of it, my life actually isn't perfect. I'm dealing with a couple of people that I don't know how to deal with right now. Me and one of my really good friends are in a fight, and I hate when people I care about are upset with me (whether they should be or not). And I'm dealing with issues of someone who is clingy and annoying thats still a really nice person that I hate being standoffish to but I can't bring myself to be friendly to either. That's a complicated one. But I just keep praying to God that I find some way to handle these situations. And I keep praying for these people too, that they find balance and harmony in their lives. That's all I can do.

Buenos noches, chicos y chicas.

xoxo

Quick but Major Update

I HAVE A JOB!!!

I'm so incredibly excited and exhausted I couldn't even provide any kind of build up to it in this post.

Anyway, the massage clinic officially hired me today! I got called in, shadowed the sales associates for about an hour (which didn't include doing a whole heck of a lot because it was, apparently, a slow day), and then the manager hired me!

Ahhhhhhhaldnlakejaw;eoiaslnlkdfmsdfa

Thats a replay of my squealing to my sister Rachal when I called her immediately after leaving the place.

I have my first day on Wednesday, which is going to mainly be filling out paper work and stuff. I'm just so proud of myself. This is the first job I've gotten that I didn't get handed to me. I found the job listing, applied for it, dressed myself for and attended interviews, killed it at interviews, and got hired totally and completely by myself. I guess I'm just...*tear*...growing up!

Anyway, like I said I'm super tired. I had a very emotional day (which includes this news plus three classes at UNCW and Insight tonight which was really riveting today...I'm rambling. Sorry). So its past my bed time!

Wish me luck this week!

xoxo

Literally a bright, sunshiny day

Literally. There is not a cloud in the sky today. But the most amazing thing is that its not swelteringly hot either. The air is starting to change to that criper, cooler autumn air and its absolutely glorious. I've been sitting outside doing homework for over an hour and I havent even broken a sweat. Summer is my favorite season, but this is definitely a welcomed change.

I'm in a much better mood today than I was during my last post, so that is definitely a good thing. I have no clue what was wrong with me the other day.

I went out for the first time this year! This past weekend was fun. I met a lot of new people, got hit on by a ginger, hung out with some new friends that live three houses down from us, and didn't do hardly any homework.

The last part probably isn't something to be proud of, but whatever.

I'm starting to like my life around here a lot. I feel so much more independent than I ever have (even though I still have to have my parents send me money since I don't have a job yet). Speaking of jobs, I haven't heard from the massage clinic yet. The owner said I would get a call either today or tomorrow. I'm getting really antsy.

Okay, enough babbling. Back to reading in the beautiful light of day.

xoxo

Crash

I think today I finally hit the crash from my happy high of the past week or so.

Thing is, I really don't know why.

Earlier today I just felt really sad. Everything made me want to cry. Talking to my mom. Talking to my mom about money (and the fact that I don't have any). Reading a letter my best friend mailed to me. Thinking about how I have no real plans for the weekend. And finally, what broke me, watching a video featuring the song "Marry Me" by Train of an adorable man proposing to a gorgeous girl in the most romantic way. So romantic and wonderful in fact that they both started crying. I had to leave the room and wait for the video to finish because I just couldn't handle it.

I really hate days like this. Nothing happened. I mean, nothing. I was fine this morning, and then I just got sad. But I think this happens to a lot of people (right?? Right?!?), which makes me feel...well not alone at least.

I'm going to try to find something to do tonight to lift my spirits. But if I don't, it might just make me feel worse.

Wish me luck.

xoxo

Bright, Sunshiny Day

My life is on the rise right now.

I mean, sure there are a few glitches here and there, but overall theres a steady increase in the goodness of my life for the past week or so.

I just had my last interview for the massage clinic. It lasted two hours. Yes, I meant to type two hours. But it didn't feel like it. When I was being interviewed by the owner, it almost felt like we were just having a conversation half the time. He was really nice. And he asked for a hug at the end of the interview. Adorbs. I think it went well. I'll hear if I got hired by next Monday or Tuesday. I'm still just praying to God. The manager wants to hire me, but ultimately its up to the owner. And you can come out of an interview feeling like they're going to call you the second you step out of the door and hire you because it went that well, but you never know what the employer is thinking. I do have a really good chance, and I'm feeling optimistic, but I don't want to assume I'm getting hired and be disappointed.

I'm still texting that cute boy from class too. Not much is happening really, but we'll see where that goes. We didn't have class last night like we were supposed to, so I didn't get to see him, but there's still plenty of time.

I'm also really happy because I just ordered a bunch of shirts and a bathing suit from PacSun yesterday! I'm ready for them to get here. I've needed just regular, every day shirts for a while, and PacSun was having a BOGO half off sale yesterday, so I picked out a few and asked my grandma if she'd pay for them now and I'd pay her back later when I got the money. Like I said, I just want them to get here.

Other than that I'm just trying to stay on top of my reading, which is always a good thing and I highly recommend. But since I'm still feeling kind of coma-y from dinner, I'm off to bed.

Stay beautiful!

xoxo

Work Hard, Nap Hard

Today I had two morning classes, a job interview, an audition for an on campus play, I had to finish reading a book for script analysis and the Pretty Little Liars season finale came on (OMG I DIED).

Today I took a nap.

Yes, all of the above is true. It is possible. But only if you're Superwoman Collegepants like I am (which you're not).

My job interview went really well. It was at a Catholic school. I applied to be an after school program assistant. I would absolutely love that job because children make my world go round, but it definitely doesn't pay as much as the massage place. Unless I could start substituting there, which the principal did offer me. Anyway, she was really sweet and she seemed to like me a lot. I should hear back from here later this week, although I still have to make up my mind if I'm going to take that job if it is offered to me. If I was just looking for a job to pay for gas and groceries that would be fine. But I also need a job that will pay for Insight now. I hate making decisions. I can hardly decide what to eat or wear most of the time.

My audition...well I honestly don't know what to think of it. The director cut me and the guy I was auditioning with off pretty early in the scene (which he did say he would do, I just expected to get a teensy bit more of the scene in) and he didn't have any feedback. Which I ultimately took as "you weren't the best we've seen, so we need to see no more of you." I mainly took it that way for two legitimate reasons. 1) I overheard a girl behind me running lines with a guy and she was terrible. He sent her home as soon as her audition was done too. 2) Some people that got to audition last night got callbacks for tonight. I feel like if he liked me he would have asked me to stay and do a monologue too. So I don't have high hopes for the play at all. But we'll see.

So this thing happens often where I'm so tired by the time I'm finishing a blog post that I just can't think of a cute/funny/thoughtful ending line. So I'm just going to say a very generic goodnight.

So...goodnight.

xoxo

Its the beeest daaay eeeveeerr!

If you don't know what song that title is quoting, there is something wrong with you. Not me at all. You.

I seriously had one of the best days of my life today. I got to go to the acting school today which was so amazing. I also forgot to tell you guys that I got an email back from one of the places I applied for a job. Its a massage clinic. They had a group interview set up for Sunday. We pretty much just showed how well we pitched a script they sent us to memorize about their membership plans they have and learned more about the job we're applying for. Its a really great job actually. The main task is to sell memberships to clients. We'd make $10 an hour plus commission for the memberships we sell. Talk about making BANK. Anyway, the manager said that if they liked us then she would call us and set up an individual interview with just her, then if she wants to hire us she sends us into an individual interview with the owner of the place, but at that point you're pretty much hired. Well today she called me to set up an individual interview!! That was definitely one of the three main highlights of my day.

The other one was definitely the news of being able to go to Insight/going to Insight (yes I'm counting them as one highlight, mainly because four would be an awkward number). I just love Beth to pieces already. We got up in front of the class and just answered questions, then she gave us feedback on how we handled ourselves in front of people, told us about any nervous habits we may or may not realize we have, and things like that. I watched a few people go first and paid a lot of attention to the feedback, so after I went Beth said she didn't have anything written down to tell me to fix. I was pretty proud of that. I also mentioned that I sing and she asked me to sing for them. So I sang a little diddy and got a little applause for it (yet another confidence booster). It was also just really interesting to hear other people's stories. There are some fascinating people and great story tellers in that class.

The third highlight is that there is a cute boy in the class. He's super hot and totally adorable at the same time (no, I didn't actually mean to practically quote Crazy, Stupid Love right there). When he walked in to wait for the first section of class to be over, I was lookin' like 'DAMN he fiiiine!' (wop, wop, wop, wop...) But then when all the seats in the waiting room were full and another girl walked in, he got up and gave her his seat. And after class he tried to give me his email address so he didn't seem too forward with a phone number. So I suggested giving him my phone number and he seemed happy to take it. Maybe that was his plan all along. Anyway it worked because he's texting me right now.

As soon as I stop looking for boys...I swear.

Anyway, more updates on that to come. Right now I need to go to bed so I can survive my 8 AM tomorrow.

One last thought. After a speech or speaking in class or a job interview or whatever it is, don't second guess yourself. And during whatever speaking thing you're doing, don't be in your own head too much. That's the main note Beth gave us today that really stuck with me and that helped me stayed centered and not fidget. When you overthink where to put your hands or how to stand, you lose connection with the audience and you look awkward. That's something I'm definitely going to try to master between this class, Beth's class in real school, and my public speaking class.

So here's to an amazing day and a bright future ahead of me.

xoxo

This has gotta be the good life

I. Am. So. So. So. Happy.

I called my dad today and he gave me the OK to enroll in the Insight School of acting.

...!!!!!!!!

I am so dead right now because my heart has stopped beating. I really wasn't sure I'd be able to enroll this semester, and I'm pretty sure the next chance would be next semester, but I can and I'm so excited!!! You should be able to tell how excited I am because I never use that many exclamation points.

So I just have to kill time for another four hours, and then off I go to take the first steps in realizing my dreams! This is it guys. This is the beginning of my destiny, I can feel it.

So one day when I'm famous you guys can tell all your friends that you knew who I am first and you read my blog and you liked me before anyone else knew me. I'm giving you that free pass. You're welcome (if you watch Awkward. imagine that in Sadie's voice).

xoxo

Productive

I have felt so focused and driven the past few days. Much more so than I have in a really long time.

I forgot to tell you guys yesterday, but I've had a slight set-back in the work force. Okay, a pretty significant set-back. An old boss told me he'd hire me this fall, but now he can't hire anyone, so the job I was banking on having (literally, my bank account is running pretty dry these days) is no longer an option. And I especially need one since I want to join that film acting school. I met with my professor today and I'm seriously in love with the place. But level one classes start on Monday, so I have to enroll before then, I just don't know how we're going to be able to pay for it. If I could have started that job when I got here, or even next week, I would be able to pay for it myself. Instead, I spent today writing a whole resume, looking for jobs through UNCW's career center website (which is actually super convenient and I'm really grateful for it), and applying for a few. I have more to do tomorrow, but I got a lot done today. Pounding the pavement of the information highway is actually kind of exciting, even though its a bit more work than I anticipated. It has made me feel very accomplished though.

I have one more semi funny story before I log off for the night. Mine and Sweta's friend Anna is visiting Wilmington this weekend. She knew about me being hypnotized, so while we were at the apartment and I was finishing up a cover letter for another job application, she randomly said, "Olivia, hypnotize me!" Being a veteran of hypnosis, I thought I could do it. I have a strobe light on my phone that I turned on and had her focus on, then I went through the first part of what the hypnotist did to us at the show the past two years which was telling her to relax every part of her body and focus on the light and my voice and all that. And I was doing pretty well...until I forgot how to transition from the going to sleep to the actual sleep to the following commands. Needless to say she started laughing in the middle of falling asleep. So we tried to look up videos on self-hypnosis, and one video got me really relaxed, but nothing like the show. It was fun though.

Whether that made you laugh or not, I'm about to pass out so I'm going to bed now.

xoxo

Slow

So all my classes seem like they're going to be pretty good. At this point I really like all my professors. Like, a lot. I've heard nothing but good things about all of them, and in class they all seem really kind and lenient and passionate about their subject. You always want a professor who not only likes what they're teaching but really loves it, or else everyone suffers.

My last class for today is Performance of Literature, a Communications Studies course, and I think the professor for that class is going to be my favorite. She insisted we call her Beth, not Professor or Miss anything. She was just so vibrant and engaging. She didn't go over the syllabus because she said it was a waste of the first day of class. She is active in the film industry around town and even has a school for film and TV acting, which is what I want to do! I'm going to meet her tomorrow to see about joining her school. I'm really excited.

Other than that not much has happened...at all. My life is crawling at the same rate as molassas right now. Nothing is happening. I've been to class and come home and watched TV with Sweta and gone apartment shopping and that about wraps it up. I really hope the past few days aren't any indication of the way the whole semester is going to go, because I might just shrivel up and dessicate from the lack of excitement in my life.

Also I would like to point out something that I believe is evidence of my maturity compared to last year. I haven't mentioned any boys once. Remember last year when boys were all I could think about? Sure I still notice when a guy is cute, but I feel so much different than I did last year about it. As much as I would love to have a boyfriend, its not as high up on my list of priorities. And personally, I think that is so mature of me.

Well after my three hour nap I'm pretty starved, so I'm off to eat some ramen and update my planner like a good little broke college girl.

xoxo

Stressful

The last few days of my life have been some of the most stressful. This is something I've never told you guys, but when I get stressed out all the tension goes to my shoulders and the bottom of my feet. Which is why I frequently ask people to rub those parts of my body, though those people rarely comply (especially my sister. She never does). The knots in my shoulders are like baseball pitcher mounds on my body right now.

I've spent a lot of money in the past few days, though not for nothing. I finally have a bedside table now, which means I'm up to one actual drawer and down to one box in my room. As soon as I get a dresser I can get rid of that box and the suitcases housing my clothes that don't get hung up. I actually feel like this is a room that I could live in for real, not just a room I'm passing through.

So my story for the day. My friend asked me a few weeks ago to audition for a student film she and a few other people were producing. I read the script and saw that there was only one girl part. When I got to the audition today, I was the only girl there. So I was feeling pretty good about being casted. Then the email went out with the cast list and guess whose name was next to the female characters? Not mine. My friend's. She didn't even audition with us, read with any of the males there auditioning, or say she was going to audition at all. She just got the part. I felt so betrayed. If she was going to take the part anyway, she shouldn't have told me about the opportunity. I'm pretty over it by this point, I'm just disappointed now. Between that fiasco, shopping today, orientation before, moving in, worrying about money, unpacking, worrying about money more, unpacking more...I'm exhausted.

Oh, and I have my first day of classes of sophomore year tomorrow.

If I don't ever blog again, I'm probably dead.

PS. The color of the title of this blog and the color of the of the posts are the colors of my room! Cute, huh?

I'm Back

So guys. I decided that I just can't stay away from blogging. During the past two days I've just been thinking about great one liners I could write or what I would talk about if I still had a blog and then suddenly it hit me that, hey, I actually still want to write.

Ergo, my brand new blog for a brand new year with a brand new me.

Guys. I am currently sitting in my room in my apartment. MY room in MY apartment (that I share with two other girls) with MY bathroom connected to it (that I share with me, myself, and I) and all MY stuff in it. I can't even handle myself right now. I feel too grown up. I thought I was so cool last year cause I was in a dorm room (whoa!) and I was among other people who go to college and all that jazz, but now...this is intense. Surprisingly though, I slept very well last night. Well I guess its not that surprising since I woke up at five in the morning yesterday to drive to Wilmington, moved freshmen into their dorm rooms all morning, moved my stuff into my apartment (whoa!!) all afternoon, and still stayed up until one thirty in the morning only to wake up at six to get ready to work an orientation all day today and then come home (to my apartment) and go shopping and keep setting up my room and-

Is it sad that it took me that long to realize how bad of a run on sentence that is?

My brain has been so scattered.

Anyway, I guess that's the basic run down of the past two days. We continue orientation tomorrow, but this time all the freshmen go to an event called Convocation, or "reverse graduation" as they call it. I've already seen a lot of my freshmen from the summer. They're all so sweet. Some of them don't think I will remember them and it's the cutest thing, I swear. I also think its funny that I think of them as babies, when in reality many of them are older than me. But I will continue to think of them as my babies for as long as I live.

Moving on from my momentary midnight histrionics, I would like to add that I got hypnotized again this year at the hypnotist show. It was so much fun again. Except this time he didn't call on me to go up to the stage first. I came from the audience. So everyone around me was laughing and taking videos (I was with friends and I sat near other friends so there are pleeenty of embarassing dancing and weird facial expressions caught on camera) and moving out of my way as far as possible. I guess they didn't realize that I knew what was happening and I wasn't going to hit them. If you've never been hypnotized before, you just really wouldn't understand the feeling, though I have tried to explain it to numerous friends, acquaintances, and strangers over the past two days. It's so fun.

Anyway, enough of my banter for the night. I will be updating more on my apartment status (I just can't get over how cool that is. MY apartment) and classes and all that soon.

Thank you for reading. It truly means so much. And thats the main reason I decided to continue to document my life in short, frequently posted passages on the Internet.

xoxo