Change is such a funny thing. Think about how many things change daily. The weather. Traffic lights. Ocean tides. TV channels. Tires. Radio stations. Clothes. Moods.
Minds. People.
I was just looking through old pictures on Facebook and having a moment of nostalgia. Honestly, all I wanted to do was see my hair when it was ridiculously long (and let me tell you, IT WAS). But of course I came across pictures I forgot about, people I haven't talked to in ages and rarely think about anymore. And I was just thinking, why do some things change? Really, it's just not fair. I saw pictures of myself with people I used to call my best friends. And I meant it then. And I thought that even though I was coming to college, there was no way we wouldn't still mean so much to each other.
And yet.
So what changed, the people or the circumstances? Or was it a combination? I suppose the latter is correct. There are some friendships I lost that I like to blame the other person for. They changed, not me. Or they stayed the same and I grew up. That's what I'd like to think. But I have changed SO MUCH in the past two years. I think about the person I used to be a lot actually. The girl that was so good, she was disappointed when her friends made mistakes. The girl that only worked and never played. The girl that couldn't even talk to guys without stuttering and laughing too much (okay, this one is still a little true). The girl that dreamed dreams bigger than she was ready to work for. The girl that was so terrified of anyone rejecting her, she mainly kept to herself to avoid it. I am not that girl anymore. But was that the mistake?
No.
No no no no. I like who I am now so much more than who I was. But does that mean the other people are at fault? Who knows. No one really has to be "at fault" I guess. But in these moments of nostalgia, it's nice to have someone else to blame for the relationships I miss.
And in reality, they could be thinking the same thing about me. My own mother tried to disown me the other day because she said I have become "big-headed and demanding." Although she was kidding (I think), there's no telling how those people justify what happened with us in their own heads. Maybe I'm the bad guy. That's perfectly plausible. I finally outgrew my intense innocence and have made a few mistakes, and that was definitely shocking to some of my old and still current friends. It was shocking to me, too. Who would think I could be someone so drastically different than I was two or three years ago? That seems like so little time now that I look back.
Change is such a funny thing. But its so essential. If I didn't become the person I am, if I wasn't on my way to being the person I want to be, there would be no point in continuing living. Same goes for every other person on this planet, including the ones I used to be close with.
So why not accept it? That's what I should do. While these moments are a little sad, they're also fleeting and infrequent. I'm trying my best to look forward to everything the future holds for me, because it looks bright from where I'm standing.
And if yours doesn't, maybe you should change your attitude.
xoxo
