I really thought after last week I would be home free of my struggles for a while.
I was so wrong.
Today I lost my keys. All my keys. I had to have Sweta drop me off at and pick me up from work. I didn't go to an audition for a play at a local theatre like I wanted to. I was planning on having to pay for a new set of keys for my apartment and have Mom mail me my spare car key. And then magically, gloriously, I found them. Daddy came tonight to get my car because its messed up and he wants his mechanic at home to work on it (its so expensive here in Wilmington, and he trusts the one he goes to back home) and he didn't want me to be driving it all the way home this weekend. He's seriously the best dad in the world, I honestly don't know what I would do without him. So when we got in the car with the spare, lo and behold my keys were there. I don't know how I missed them when AAA came and unlocked my car earlier so I could check, but I did. I'm such an idiot sometimes.
So that was stressful, but thank God the issue was also resolved. So now I have a whole new round of papers to worry about, plus a test next week and a lot of little assignments to take care of. It just never ends, and I'm beginning to accept that.
I'm going to audition for a student film tomorrow, so wish me luck!
And now for the segment of my blog where I ramble vaguely about the current guy occupying my thoughts: My cousin Madison once told me that "girlfriends aren't roadblocks, only speed bumps." This is proving to be quite untrue. (On a quick side note, I want you all to know that I'm not plotting to wreck any home, this guy doesn't actually have a girlfriend, but the situation is complicated. I won't go into specific details, though, so if you were expecting that then you haven't paid attention to the times I've said details get me in trouble). I just hate this situation because my main problem is I don't know if I should fight for what I want or if I should back off, let the situation breathe and let the pieces fall where they may. It has always been a part of me to not push for the things I want because I'm so terrified of rejection. I'm slowly over coming that fear, and I can feel the drive in me more than ever. But its like an itch I can't scratch to make it go away. Its part of who I am to be cautious and to back off. But what if this situation is different? What if pushing for this guy will be what he needs from me? In this sense, I'm terrified to not push for it, because personal history has proved that sitting back and watching has resulted inevitably and every time in the guy forgetting me and moving on. To push or not to push? That is the question. Mom said earlier that "You don't fail if you try," but on the other hand Revenge said that "Hope is just a sure way to get your heart broken." So many mixed signals from the universe today. Sigh.
And lastly, I would like to add that if you haven't today, or in a while, call your parents and tell them you love them. Tell them you appreciate them for bringing you into this world and getting you this far. Even if they are crappy or overbearing or didn't seem like they care about what you do, they did something right because you're sitting on your laptop/computer at home/computer at school reading this right now, breathing and alive and living. So thank them. And love them. And if you can't do that, then I just feel so badly for you that it hurts me. I don't know what I would do without my parents. They love me unconditionally and would do anything to protect me. They raised me right, they're there for me whenever I need anything from a pep talk to a couple of bucks to make it through the week, and they insist on providing for me always because, as my daddy said to me the other day, "its my job to take care of you, so let me." (Yes, I did cry to him during this conversation because, yes, I am a complete softy whiny baby).
Okay, I'm calling it a relatively early night tonight. Wish me luck, guys. I'm going to need it to get through this interminable stress trip.
xoxo
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