Life is so exhausting.
It's Thanksgiving break and I'm still so tired. Granted, I didn't get home Wednesday night until Thursday morning. Then yesterday my allergies were acting up at home so bad that I spent most of the day sneezing and dying and fighting to stay awake from the Benadryl and trying to cook and eat in between all that. Really though, I had an excellent day with my family and I actually really enjoyed my time yesterday (between all the dying going on). But this morning I had to rush right back for work again, so my trip home was cut extra short this year. That's okay though. I'm going back next month for an extended weekend for my birthday, so I'm just looking forward to that. My point in saying all this is that, even though its break I'm still SO TIRED. Its not even eleven and I'm ready to pass out.
I've got a lot of big assignments on my plate for classes at the moment. That's starting to stress me out again, but I guess it's right on schedule since the past two weeks have been pretty low-stress. I'm not working tomorrow so I'll be spending most of the day on those.
Now, the boy diet. Sigh. I was doing so well for a few weeks. Then the sneaky thoughts started creeping back in my mind and I've started thinking about different boys again. Those dang thoughts are so frustrating. I'm forcing them out of my head every time they try to be sly and slip in, but they keep bombarding me when I have too much time to think. Like today on the way back here. But I'm sticking to the diet, no matter what my mind tries to get me to think about.
I just read that paragraph over and realized that its possible to interpret those thoughts from the reader's point of view as very sexual ones. Just so you know, that's not really what I'm talking about.
Anyway, time to catch up on Glee and go to sleepy-by. TTFN, friends.
xoxo
Friday, November 23, 2012
Monday, November 12, 2012
Pathetic
Seriously, you guys. What is wrong with me.
I just came to the ultimate realization that I let boys control my life. I look at every boy that glances at me sideways or every boy that I think is cute and wonder, "Is he The One? Could he be my boyfriend?" And its not a conscious thought, which is why I overlooked this issue for so long, but its there like that one hideous shirt you keep in your closet because you just can't bring yourself to get rid of it but you never actually wear it either. And every time something doesn't happen with whoever is on my mind in that second, I'm disappointed.
HOW PATHETIC IS THAT.
And in that way I realized just how immature I really am. Well you know what, its time for this chick to grow up. I'm going to stop acting like a weak minded little jellyfish (no offense to any jellyfish/jellyfish lovers out there). I'm going to stop looking for someone to chase me. I'm going to stop...that's it, I'm just going to stop. Remember last year when I tried to go on a boy diet? Wow. I just reread some of my posts from around this time last year and realized I'm in almost the exact same predicament. Anyway, if you don't remember click the link to read up on that. My point in bringing it up is that it didn't work. I was still looking even after I said I wouldn't. But I'm older and wiser now (ha ha), and I think reinitiating the boy diet is a good idea. Time to stop worrying and waiting and wishing for things that are never happening. Time to stop feeling sick from nerves. Time to stop using anaphora (really though, my use of rhetorical devices is on point today).
So here is the official plan. I'm going to stop thinking about, wondering about, and looking at boys. No, this does not mean I'm going to start looking at girls, for any of you with twisted minds out there. It means that I'm going to really throw myself into my studies. It means that I'll have more room in my brain to retain information from classes and for finals. It means that...crap, there's another anaphora. What the heck.
Anyway, I think you get the idea. So, the boy diet is back! And I'm confident in myself this time of seeing it through. I can't guarantee that this blog is going to be super interesting anymore (just kidding please keep reading!!), but I can still fill it with the awesome adventures of me running around like a headless chicken while trying to keep up with my hectic life.
Wish me luck, friends. Not that I'm going to need it this time. Confidence is the key to everything in life.
xoxo
I just came to the ultimate realization that I let boys control my life. I look at every boy that glances at me sideways or every boy that I think is cute and wonder, "Is he The One? Could he be my boyfriend?" And its not a conscious thought, which is why I overlooked this issue for so long, but its there like that one hideous shirt you keep in your closet because you just can't bring yourself to get rid of it but you never actually wear it either. And every time something doesn't happen with whoever is on my mind in that second, I'm disappointed.
HOW PATHETIC IS THAT.
And in that way I realized just how immature I really am. Well you know what, its time for this chick to grow up. I'm going to stop acting like a weak minded little jellyfish (no offense to any jellyfish/jellyfish lovers out there). I'm going to stop looking for someone to chase me. I'm going to stop...that's it, I'm just going to stop. Remember last year when I tried to go on a boy diet? Wow. I just reread some of my posts from around this time last year and realized I'm in almost the exact same predicament. Anyway, if you don't remember click the link to read up on that. My point in bringing it up is that it didn't work. I was still looking even after I said I wouldn't. But I'm older and wiser now (ha ha), and I think reinitiating the boy diet is a good idea. Time to stop worrying and waiting and wishing for things that are never happening. Time to stop feeling sick from nerves. Time to stop using anaphora (really though, my use of rhetorical devices is on point today).
So here is the official plan. I'm going to stop thinking about, wondering about, and looking at boys. No, this does not mean I'm going to start looking at girls, for any of you with twisted minds out there. It means that I'm going to really throw myself into my studies. It means that I'll have more room in my brain to retain information from classes and for finals. It means that...crap, there's another anaphora. What the heck.
Anyway, I think you get the idea. So, the boy diet is back! And I'm confident in myself this time of seeing it through. I can't guarantee that this blog is going to be super interesting anymore (just kidding please keep reading!!), but I can still fill it with the awesome adventures of me running around like a headless chicken while trying to keep up with my hectic life.
Wish me luck, friends. Not that I'm going to need it this time. Confidence is the key to everything in life.
xoxo
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
So not in the clear
I really thought after last week I would be home free of my struggles for a while.
I was so wrong.
Today I lost my keys. All my keys. I had to have Sweta drop me off at and pick me up from work. I didn't go to an audition for a play at a local theatre like I wanted to. I was planning on having to pay for a new set of keys for my apartment and have Mom mail me my spare car key. And then magically, gloriously, I found them. Daddy came tonight to get my car because its messed up and he wants his mechanic at home to work on it (its so expensive here in Wilmington, and he trusts the one he goes to back home) and he didn't want me to be driving it all the way home this weekend. He's seriously the best dad in the world, I honestly don't know what I would do without him. So when we got in the car with the spare, lo and behold my keys were there. I don't know how I missed them when AAA came and unlocked my car earlier so I could check, but I did. I'm such an idiot sometimes.
So that was stressful, but thank God the issue was also resolved. So now I have a whole new round of papers to worry about, plus a test next week and a lot of little assignments to take care of. It just never ends, and I'm beginning to accept that.
I'm going to audition for a student film tomorrow, so wish me luck!
And now for the segment of my blog where I ramble vaguely about the current guy occupying my thoughts: My cousin Madison once told me that "girlfriends aren't roadblocks, only speed bumps." This is proving to be quite untrue. (On a quick side note, I want you all to know that I'm not plotting to wreck any home, this guy doesn't actually have a girlfriend, but the situation is complicated. I won't go into specific details, though, so if you were expecting that then you haven't paid attention to the times I've said details get me in trouble). I just hate this situation because my main problem is I don't know if I should fight for what I want or if I should back off, let the situation breathe and let the pieces fall where they may. It has always been a part of me to not push for the things I want because I'm so terrified of rejection. I'm slowly over coming that fear, and I can feel the drive in me more than ever. But its like an itch I can't scratch to make it go away. Its part of who I am to be cautious and to back off. But what if this situation is different? What if pushing for this guy will be what he needs from me? In this sense, I'm terrified to not push for it, because personal history has proved that sitting back and watching has resulted inevitably and every time in the guy forgetting me and moving on. To push or not to push? That is the question. Mom said earlier that "You don't fail if you try," but on the other hand Revenge said that "Hope is just a sure way to get your heart broken." So many mixed signals from the universe today. Sigh.
And lastly, I would like to add that if you haven't today, or in a while, call your parents and tell them you love them. Tell them you appreciate them for bringing you into this world and getting you this far. Even if they are crappy or overbearing or didn't seem like they care about what you do, they did something right because you're sitting on your laptop/computer at home/computer at school reading this right now, breathing and alive and living. So thank them. And love them. And if you can't do that, then I just feel so badly for you that it hurts me. I don't know what I would do without my parents. They love me unconditionally and would do anything to protect me. They raised me right, they're there for me whenever I need anything from a pep talk to a couple of bucks to make it through the week, and they insist on providing for me always because, as my daddy said to me the other day, "its my job to take care of you, so let me." (Yes, I did cry to him during this conversation because, yes, I am a complete softy whiny baby).
Okay, I'm calling it a relatively early night tonight. Wish me luck, guys. I'm going to need it to get through this interminable stress trip.
xoxo
I was so wrong.
Today I lost my keys. All my keys. I had to have Sweta drop me off at and pick me up from work. I didn't go to an audition for a play at a local theatre like I wanted to. I was planning on having to pay for a new set of keys for my apartment and have Mom mail me my spare car key. And then magically, gloriously, I found them. Daddy came tonight to get my car because its messed up and he wants his mechanic at home to work on it (its so expensive here in Wilmington, and he trusts the one he goes to back home) and he didn't want me to be driving it all the way home this weekend. He's seriously the best dad in the world, I honestly don't know what I would do without him. So when we got in the car with the spare, lo and behold my keys were there. I don't know how I missed them when AAA came and unlocked my car earlier so I could check, but I did. I'm such an idiot sometimes.
So that was stressful, but thank God the issue was also resolved. So now I have a whole new round of papers to worry about, plus a test next week and a lot of little assignments to take care of. It just never ends, and I'm beginning to accept that.
I'm going to audition for a student film tomorrow, so wish me luck!
And now for the segment of my blog where I ramble vaguely about the current guy occupying my thoughts: My cousin Madison once told me that "girlfriends aren't roadblocks, only speed bumps." This is proving to be quite untrue. (On a quick side note, I want you all to know that I'm not plotting to wreck any home, this guy doesn't actually have a girlfriend, but the situation is complicated. I won't go into specific details, though, so if you were expecting that then you haven't paid attention to the times I've said details get me in trouble). I just hate this situation because my main problem is I don't know if I should fight for what I want or if I should back off, let the situation breathe and let the pieces fall where they may. It has always been a part of me to not push for the things I want because I'm so terrified of rejection. I'm slowly over coming that fear, and I can feel the drive in me more than ever. But its like an itch I can't scratch to make it go away. Its part of who I am to be cautious and to back off. But what if this situation is different? What if pushing for this guy will be what he needs from me? In this sense, I'm terrified to not push for it, because personal history has proved that sitting back and watching has resulted inevitably and every time in the guy forgetting me and moving on. To push or not to push? That is the question. Mom said earlier that "You don't fail if you try," but on the other hand Revenge said that "Hope is just a sure way to get your heart broken." So many mixed signals from the universe today. Sigh.
And lastly, I would like to add that if you haven't today, or in a while, call your parents and tell them you love them. Tell them you appreciate them for bringing you into this world and getting you this far. Even if they are crappy or overbearing or didn't seem like they care about what you do, they did something right because you're sitting on your laptop/computer at home/computer at school reading this right now, breathing and alive and living. So thank them. And love them. And if you can't do that, then I just feel so badly for you that it hurts me. I don't know what I would do without my parents. They love me unconditionally and would do anything to protect me. They raised me right, they're there for me whenever I need anything from a pep talk to a couple of bucks to make it through the week, and they insist on providing for me always because, as my daddy said to me the other day, "its my job to take care of you, so let me." (Yes, I did cry to him during this conversation because, yes, I am a complete softy whiny baby).
Okay, I'm calling it a relatively early night tonight. Wish me luck, guys. I'm going to need it to get through this interminable stress trip.
xoxo
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