But I always seem to give up on myself

Sooo...remember the boy diet?

Honestly, I made such a huge deal of it two months ago, and I completely forgot about it up until tonight. Due to a recent series of strange events, I've come to see that I've been doing the diet all wrong for a few weeks now. Anyway, I've also realized that really I've been thinking about it all wrong since I started it.

Maybe the boy diet has been working in some strange reverse psychology kind of way and making me think about boys even more than I normally would. But honestly, something in me has changed in the past two weeks. I've realized that my self-confidence problems stretch far beyond the realm of hormones and a weakness for cologne.

My problem is that I allow anyone and everyone to tell me who I am.

People that I admire or think good thoughts of, even in the slightest, have some kind of pull in the person I think I am. One person who claims to be a friend calls me annoying, and that's it. I must be annoying.

But that's wrong. And sad really. Not in the pathetic way (which is usually the way I refer to myself), but in the sense that I'm probably much more sad than I even realize. What kind of life is it where I let others dictate the way I feel about myself? If other people talk about me behind my back and think badly of me, then I allow myself to think badly of me. That's so middle school.

But once I realized that, something clicked. It's time for me to take a real step forward instead of taking tiny steps forward and huge ones back. I've had all these revelations, but I haven't acted on them. So I'm done letting what other people think of me affect me. I'm going to be the person that I am, and if there's someone out there who doesn't like it, then I'll make it a point not to know them. I don't need that kind of negative energy in my life. I know who my real friends are, the people who love me unconditionally and stand up for me when I need it. But hopefully, soon enough I won't need it. Soon enough I'll be able to stand on my own two feet without having to prop against anyone else for support. Soon enough I'll be enough.

So, after all that...

Boy Diet Status: whatever.

xoxo